Reflecting

Today was a “Monday” in the truest sense of the “oh man, it is Monday” feeling.  This was the first Monday the kids went to school in seriously, weeks with a teacher work day, the blizzard, President’s Day all falling on a recent Monday.  And, they were on time after a week of one hour delays so that means E A R L Y.  I’m happy to report it went off without a hitch and my day has been surprisingly calm and I’ve gotten lots of cleaning done.  I even washed windows and window sills.  Wow, maybe I’m getting a little anxious for spring.  Yeah, I’d say so.

I was looking over some photos I took during our hibernation and these just made me smile.  Nick and Brett finger painting on opposite sides of the easel and sharing their masterpieces with each other.  They really can be sweet to one another sometimes.  Other times, not so much, but more on that later.

I’m trying to make an effort to find joy in the little things lately.  We’ve had a few bumps in our road over the past few months and I’ll admit, I’ve fallen into a puddle of self pity more than once.  But, I’ve been thinking a lot about other people, in fact, other people keep popping up into my mind almost constantly, and I’m wondering if that is supposed to be some kind of sign or something for me to wake up and smell the coffee that my life is pretty darn good.  It is great, in fact.  I have a wonderful husband, three amazing boys, my dream house that we work so hard to make sure we can keep, an incredible family at my fingertips who help us in big and small ways everyday, and good health and well being that could be envied by so many others.

What has prompted this sort of stream of consciousness ramble in me is this whole concept of the “cyber world” bringing other people’s lives into mine.  Not in a way that makes me know them personally or not in a way that I can help them in their situations, but in a way that brings their issues, their feelings, their hardships, their battles into my mind.  Here’s what I mean:  So, I’m a self proclaimed addict of photographers’ blogs.  I have many, many that I read on a daily basis and sometimes find myself just “checking in” multiple times a day to see if they have posted anything new.  I love their photos, I love hearing about how they “manage it all”, or learning new photography tips, and hearing about their personal lives.  A couple of weeks ago, I was turned onto a blog by a photographer who lives far away from here and someone I can say with quite certainty that I’ll never meet.  I started reading her blog and admiring her photos and the way she documents her family life and her 4 boys and then bam, she hits me (as if she were talking to me) with this tragic story about how she put her two youngest boys in the tub and then goes to grab something for another child and on the way makes a bed, puts away some laundry, picks up a bit, gets distracted…her baby boy drowned in the tub.  He was brought back to life by paramedics and stayed in the hospital for something like 11 days and they probably don’t know if they’ll be long term damage or not.  But, oh.my.god.  That story haunted me for days and even now, I check in on her blog everyday to see if there is an update on how her little boy is doing.  Haven’t we all been there?  I know I’ve gotten distracted by all the millions of things that need to be done in my house and I can totally see myself in her shoes.  And I’ve put myself in her shoes and I know that the horrible guilt she feels is the same way I would feel.  I think about her a lot and I don’t even know her. 

A second example is of another photographer’s blog that a friend of mine sent me the link to recently.  We send each other links all the time when we find someone interesting on the web.  Well, this one just might take the cake.  She has a beautiful site with amazing photographs of her family.  She writes eloquently and with such passion for life.  I started reading her post and thought it was brilliant so I read more and more and then came to realize that I was getting really emotionally involved with this woman’s story of how she had just had a baby in January that turned out to have Down’s Syndrome.  She is 31.  She had none of the genetic tests to predict this.  She wrote so beautifully of her feelings of that moment when she saw her baby girl for the first time and she knew.  Again, I found myself stepping into someone else’s shoes and walking that walk with them and wondering how it would be in that moment when the room around you is so happy to welcome your new baby, and you realize that your baby has a condition that you were not expecting in your wildest dreams.  She writes of how she wanted that first day back so instead of crying all day, she could embrace the day with her new baby girl.  She knows now what a blessing that baby is and she was meant to be her mother.  But, again, why does this affect me so deeply?  Why do I refresh my browser several times a day to see if she’s written more?

And there’s always Facebook.  Oh, Facebook.  The great tool that can connect you with people you’ve lost touch with since elementary school.  Former co-workers who you maybe shared a coffee with but never knew that well.  Friends of friends who saw your name and “friended” you so now you are more than a friend of a friend.  I admit, I thought this was cool at first.  I enjoyed connecting with people that I hadn’t talked to in ages.  And by “connecting” I mean, we “friended” each other, said ”hello, how are you?”, and that’s about it.  Well, these “friends” of mine are on my mind, too.  With this great connection tool, I now am aware of when someone is in a fierce custody battle with their ex and they so desperately want to move back home but they can’t leave the state they are in because of the court’s rulings.  I’m aware of a friend’s mother who is in ICU and may not make it through the week.  I know when someone who I only remember in name, has a tragic car accident.  But, I think of these people ALL OF THE TIME!  I worry about them.  I pray for them.  I wake up thinking about them.  Is this a good thing?  Is it just me?  Can other people just take this all with a grain of salt and never think of the person again after reading their “status update”?  I have to tell you that it bothers me a lot.  And I don’t even know any of these people well.

Will I stop reading the blogs?  No way.  Will I stay off of Facebook?  I doubt it.  I’ll just roll along in my life but I’ll take it as a sign that bad things happen to people all of the time.  Everyday in fact.  And the small stuff that I sweat around here, well, that’s small stuff.  I’ll hug my kids more and be grateful that my husband wants to be with me and loves me for who I am.  I’ll stop thinking “if I only had this or that” I’ll find happiness.  I can find happiness in the everyday.  In the simple things like finger paint or like celebrating a birthday with my dad because he lives a mile away and we aren’t separated by mountains or rivers or highways.

I can be thankful that I had a 6 year old and a 2 year old at some point and saved the candles so my dad could have a “62″ on his cake.

 I can be thankful for the love in my house even when the boys are chasing each other around stating that they’ll take one another’s head off with a pillow!  I know there is love in my house even if we get so caught up in the moment of dust bunnies or  muddy shoes or undone homework.  We are lucky.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There is love in our house.

I can’t say that all internet connectivity is bad.  My most wonderful friend Michelle and I have known each other for probably over 10 years and our friendship started as a business relationship on the phone.  She worked for a job fair company and I as an HR Director for a software company.  We had our first child around the same time and she’s since had 3 more and I’ve had two more.  We both stopped working and stayed at home and we both started photography businesses.  We talk via the internet almost daily.  We bounce ideas off of each other, share photos, editing techniques, prop ideas, and personal advice.  She has listened to me vent more times than anyone should have to!  I am grateful for her friendship and if not for the internet, we may not be as close.

And probably my favorite example of how the internet has been a blessing to me is in my new email penpal.  This lovely person is my husband’s great Aunt and she lives a couple of hours from us.  I’ve known her for at least 20 years but have really gotten to be close to her over a few month’s time.  She emails me when she sees something beautiful like a sunset over the ocean or when she has a vacation story to share.  I love receiving her emails and I love the fact that she shares with me and we have this connection.  I like to confide in her and receive her advice and warm replies.  She is a family gem and I am blessed to have her in my life.

I’m going to live more in the moment.  There is always time to work or clean or worry and fret but kids are only kids for a short while and moments fade away.  I don’t want to miss any of them.  I’m going to play puzzles with my baby boy when he asks me to and not think for one second about what I should be doing instead.

I’m going to document our family life for my kids to have in the future to look back on.  Even the small moments…

And I’m going to find a new zest for life.  You know, like that feeling when you try something new and you LOVE IT just like Brett did when he had hot chocolate for the first time this winter.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Life is really good and if it took the world of cyberspace to make me see that, then so be it!  I’ll probably go on thinking about other people but I’m going to think about “my” people first.  And hug them and love them.  Because I’m so lucky.